So We Bought an Apartment
We signed the contract on our new apartment today. Thank you so much for taking a look at the contract back in February. I know it was so important to you to be part of the process. I am so grateful that you put your stamp of approval on it because I would not have felt comfortable moving forward with it if you had any doubts.
When we spoke about it in February, I said to you that we had so much going on! That week, I was signing a contract on an apartment with Sung. I was finalizing my contract with our wedding photographer, and hitting you up for your credit card number to put down the deposit for me (thanks, Dad). I sent in a deposit for DJ Crumbcake, who was recommended to me by my friends Megan & Jeremy. And we were picking a date to meet with the florist. I told you that I couldn’t believe how much we were doing in the span of just 8 months. And you said “these are all good things.”
You were so excited about the wedding. The day you took me to see a venue you felt strongly about, your eyes lit up. You had hosted a party there before, so you told me exactly where everything would go. And when our meeting ended, I said “let’s do it.” The venue seemed great to me, but the venue seemed perfect to you. I knew that the joy you would take in hosting this wedding at your perfect location would mean the absolute world to you. I joked to my friends that having this wedding was the greatest gift I could ever give you, that you would have to pay for! When we stepped on the street, and I said goodbye, you said “this has been one of the best days of my life.” I wish I had said “the wedding will be better, so please don’t go anywhere.”
With life not being at all normal because of COVID-19, I haven’t been able to experience those moments yet where I say “you would have loved this restaurant” or “you would have been mad that they made us wait for a table.” It’s hard to have those moments when you spend your days working from home, zooming with friends, and watching Tiger King. I know that these moments will hit like a ton of bricks when they do come.
Today was one of those days. Buying an apartment with Sung is worthy of celebration. So many of our friends are excited to come by one day and see the new digs. I can’t wait for Mom to tell me we need curtains, because I never know what to do about curtains, and she knows exactly what to do about curtains.
As I get older, I have access to dishwashers, resources, and disposable income. I’ve been able to hire painters and movers and cleaners. But I haven’t needed you any less. I know I can research interest rates and homeowners insurance. But you put me in touch with your banking guy who gave us a great interest rate. That was so helpful. I don’t always need your help, but I really want your help. I value your opinion. I welcome your dissent. I appreciate your praise and awe.
I’ll always include you Dad. Even if you can’t answer my questions, knowing that I wanted to ask you means I’ll take a step back and I’ll think carefully before I make any decisions. Your approval held a lot of weight. And sometimes, that weight was heavy, not to be confused with the amazing film Heavyweights. Now that you are gone, I know that weight may decrease down to medium, and maybe one day light. But I think your presence was large enough on this earth that I’ll always feel that weight in some way. I won’t know if you approve, but I’ll know if what I am doing was worth asking for your approval, and that’s what will give me pause before acting.
So Dad, we bought an apartment today. I wish you could see it. I wish you could tell me I should have 7 signed copies of the contract. I wish you would ask me to send you one so you can have a copy too. But you are not going to see it. At least you left the world knowing that I was a soon-to-be homeowner. At least you saw pictures and videos of the space. And at least you got to read the contract, and be part of the process, because that may have been the thing you wanted the most, was just to be included. I wish you could come over, because you would grab a craft beer from my fridge, eat a delicious lamb shoulder that Sung made, and you would say “these are all good things.”
